This is our friend Bodie, who came to our house after church today and invited our family out to eat.

He does this every so often. He’ll have some extra money to spend, and instead of splurging on something for himself, he’ll take our entire family out to eat. Bodie inspires me to be generous. Sometimes I need to be reminded that people are more important than things.

He also wanted to buy a chest freezer for his house, so after lunch at Captain D’s the 7 of us took a trip to Lowe’s. He picked out his freezer and then very kindly wandered with us around the store while we looked at countertops and hardware that we’ll be buying soon for our bathroom remodel.

Three days ago we went to Bodie’s funeral. Last week when he was dying, and this weekend at the funeral, it was easy for me to focus on him leaving all of his health problems behind – being whole and healthy and with Jesus. In the middle of it all I didn’t feel the sadness that a person “should” feel at a funeral.

Now all I can think of is the finality.

Roger will never again say, “Let’s go over and see Bodie this evening.”

We’ll never take him out to eat again. He’ll never sit at our kitchen table again. I’ll never fix him another cup of coffee, or bring him a plate of dessert without asking if he wants it (because Bodie never turned down something sweet.)

In church, when someone bumps against that heating duct in the wall and it makes that echoing bang, it won’t be Bodie leaning on it for balance.

I’ll never hear him pray again. It always made my heart happy to hear Bodie pray. I’ll miss that.

And so many other things – too many to list out.

When he was alive, I knew he was special. I knew how much he meant to our family. But I had no idea how much I would miss him. In life, the smile on his face never failed to make me smile back. This week, the smile in that picture makes me cry.

It hits me at random moments throughout the day. Doing laundry…. Sitting at the table working on something when a song comes into my head – one Wooly and Lynn sang at his funeral (and I really hope they won’t sing it in church soon – but I know they will)… Every time I see his picture.

I’m not going to look back and regret.

But I am so grateful that Bodie was a part of our lives.

This is what I’ve been picturing in my head:

The only thing missing from my mental picture is a window box full of something viney or flowery or… maybe I could fill it with surprise reading material for our male guests. I didn’t realize the hidden benefits of having a world map in the window…

I miss the way you used to wander in
slowly, almost unsure
(not rushing to a midnight-secret rendezvous)
with your sweet breath against my skin, fingers ruffling my curls
and music, always music;
soothing away the tensions of the day

these days
you rush in
like a degenerative disease
stealing away light and life in the middle of a breath
(we wrap our sweaters tighter,
wish for steaming mugs to hold between our hands,
finally give up and go inside)
you whisper dark promises of long nights

I miss the way you used to come to me on tiptoe.

——————

This is how I feel about the depressing midwinter season, when the daylight leaves us too early and waits too long to reappear. I wrote it about this time last year when I wanted to be sitting out on our little Peace Porch reading a book and listening to the creek and the frogs and crickets as the evening turns slowly, slowly into night. I’d like that right now.

Malin, realizing the seriousness of insulting another female’s appearance, quickly pipes up with, “I don’t know how you can tell the difference, Avery. She doesn’t look any older.”

Then a little while later, she smiled at me all sweet and grown-up and said, “I just love spoiling my mommy and daddy – with words.”

You don’t have to be familiar with the term “internet cafe” in order to create your own.

Excited to have a new “camp staff kid” around.

The night a shrinky-dink-making party spontaneously upgraded to a dress-up tea party.

1. Christmastime (Michael W. Smith) – I’ve put this album on repeat and let it play all evening without getting tired of it. A very happy collection of Christmas songs.

2. Christmas (Rebecca St. James) – I’m not typically a Rebecca St. James fan, (she sounds too pop-princess for me) but I do love this CD. It’s upbeat and fun to listen to really loud when I’m all alone. My favorite track is One Small Child  (I also really like her CD If I Had One Chance to Tell You Something, but that doesn’t belong on this list.)

3. Tradition: Holiday Songs Old and New (the Burns Sisters) –  With the exception of the very irritating Children Go Where I Send Thee, I’ve loved this CD for years. It’s folksy; if you liked country music before it morphed into pop, you’ll appreciate this.

4. Snow Angels (Over the Rhine) – My new favorite. It doesn’t feel so Christmas-y that you can only pull it out after Thanksgiving. It’s intelligent music, kind of jazzy; I’ve been listening to it for months.

5. City on a Hill: It’s Christmas Time – Good Christmas music from intelligent Christians who write quality songs.

6. A Slugs and Bugs Christmas (Randall Goodgame and Andrew Peterson) – If it says “Slugs and Bugs” on it, it’s gotta be good music. These are songs that make the kids smile and dance and sing along without getting on a parent’s nerves. My personal favorite is the Camel Song. My favorite favorite track is the Camel Conversation. Randall and Andrew’s dialogues make me laugh out loud.

7. A Neighborly Christmas (Drew Holcombe and the Neighbors) – A new one for me this year that I picked up for free on Noisetrade. (They would love for you to download it too. I know this. They told me in an email.) The first few songs make me feel like hanging stockings and sipping cocoa with Ernest Hemingway. I will say: I despise track #6 – it sounds like something Mariah Carey would sing – in a fluffy red bikini. Delete this one immediately – or… suffer through the inanity if you prefer.

8. Behold the Lamb of God (Andrew Peterson) – I love this album simply for the song “Matthew’s Begats.”  Anyone who can put the genealogy of Jesus into a catchy and humorous song that gets stuck in my head head gets my vote for genius of the month.

9.  A Very Veggie Christmas (VeggieTales) – Our family has listened to this Christmas-extravaganza-on-a-disc repeatedly and we (even the parents!) don’t get tired of it.

10. Christmas (Michael W. Smith) – I know. I just put MWS on this list twice. I never listen to his music any other time of the year, but he makes great Christmas music. I used to disregard this CD as a weird choral album. And then I started listening more closely.

alternate: Joy: A Holiday Collection (Jewel) – Listen to this for the beautiful Ave Maria and the quirky Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer. She also sings I Wonder as I Wander. That’s a song that doesn’t appear on very many Christmas albums.

* Bonus! *
Noel (Josh Groban) – I haven’t heard anything off this album yet, but the man has a beautiful voice, which I think would be just perfect for Christmas music. One of these days, I’ll buy it…

This is my first attempt at a quilt, and I’d like to keep it small. Are these colors too… weird for a baby quilt? I fell in love with the fabric (the picture may be too small for you to see all the sweet yellow birds) and just decided to make something. I still need to figure out a border… and the back… and a purpose for the blanket. I have ideas.

 Broccoli Cauliflower Salad

8-10 strips bacon
1 head cauliflower
1 bunch broccoli
1 c. mayonnaise
1/2 c. sugar
1/4 c. milk
1/4 c. diced onion

Break cauliflower and broccoli into small pieces. Crumble bacon; stir in. Combine mayo, sugar, milk and onion. Stir into broccoli and cauliflower; mix well. Refrigerate until chilled.

Zucchini Casserole

2 medium zucchini
1 large onion
2 medium tomatoes
5-6 slices butter
1/2 – 1 c. shredded mozzarella cheese

Dice vegetables. Mix well in a baking dish and season to taste with salt and pepper. Place butter on top of casserole; bake at 375 for 1 hour. Add mozzarella cheese during last 20 minutes of baking.

Someone asked me this summer what I think is the hardest thing about living here at Bethel Camp. I came up with an answer, but later I realized that it wasn’t quite true. One of the hardest things for Roger and me is missing out on fresh garden produce all summer long. We love to cook in the summer. We love to eat in the summer. And it’s the simple things we love the most. Fresh corn on the cob, tomato sandwiches, zucchini casserole, salads with lettuce from our garden, sauteed kale, fried yellow squash, fried green tomatoes. (I haven’t had a fried green tomato yet this year!)  If we weren’t completely consumed by summer camp, we’d have a big garden and spend evenings and mornings working in it together. We’d snap green beans and freeze them, and can tomato juice.

But it’s a small sacrifice really. I wouldn’t trade all the garden produce in the world for the fact that my husband has a job that he can pour his whole heart and soul into. My children eat canned vegetables all during the best weeks of the summer gardening season, but they’re surrounded daily by the godly influence of the incredible people on our summer staff.

And… we still have a little bit of summer left. Tomorrow maybe I’ll go check our neglected garden and see if I can find some tomatoes. We have friends who share their garden produce with us. And there’s always the produce stand in Jackson…

There’s my confession: I like boys with long hair.

I’m also the mom who snaps at my kids when they decide to tuck their shirts in: “Get your shirt out of your pants. That looks tacky!”